Tuesday, March 24, 2009

How to make children survive a loss in the family..Life goes on....

I never thought of a subject like 'How to make children survive a loss in the family.' Life is sometimes too cruel and death comes in chariot and takes away the soul, some say. In Gita, we have the 12th and 15th Lesson based on this being read during rituals of person no more. It's the hindu tradition and rituals we follow but when emotions are concerned, teenagers and children in the family are the most that I saw were affected who have to face a grief. Sorrow of losing a mother, grand-mother or an aunt.

Children and teenagers are old enough to grieve as they feel the sadness and yearning after the loss of a family member. As adults, parents face sadness to cope with their own grief but at the same time, children need support, love and care in such bad times. Like the book of Harold Khushner 'Why Bad Things Happen to Good People', it is here to understand the way of life and whatever happens, always do happen for good as god has fashioned life and destined. While coping our own loss, we need to support the younger ones in the family.

Some insight here while at a loss:

1. Young minds are often anxious and frightened as they find unusual and do not understand. Explain the word 'death' in simple way. Why a person will no longer walk, eat, drink - breathe life.

2. Help them cope up. Help them understand the feelings of sadness and anger which are just a normal. Help them express their feelings in acceptable ways.

3. Children are sensitive to your moods and behavior. Help them be with you as much as they need you. Children and teens are not likely to open up or vent their anger/anxious feelings and they sense your emotion and keep their feelings inside.

Children and teenagers follow the grievance process in many ways as :

Physical : restlessness, irritant, weakness, change in sleep patterns and even appetite
Social : They shun talking to people, feel awkward and become more dependent on parents or caregivers
Emotional and mental stability: Feeling alone, scared, numb or hard stare, flat expressions and confused. They are in disbelief. Some teenagers have forgetfulness and lack of concentration as they get more focused on the loss of a person.
Blame Game: Many children and teenagers, blame god. They vent their anger and stop the faith. They lose hope and lose faith in future and wish to die or get lost in thoughts as to what is life.

It is in our hands to support and stand by children in our grief period. Forgive, forget and take charge of own thoughts by not blaming family, social happenings related to the person. Nor blame god, curse heavens or get emotionally weakened. The time soon pass away. Recognize and support child/teenager's pace through grief and include them in remembrance rituals or comfort in thoughts on spirituality, questions related to heavenly abode or saying prayers.

Life goes on...It's only getting involved in your 'Karma' that remains with us and Knowing Nothing is yours.....
- ilaxi patel
Editor, http://www.kidsfreesouls.com/
Newspaper for Kids

2 sms I had received this week:
Rivers don't drink water, they carry itTrees
don't eat fruits, they bear itClouds don't bath, they showerSo be involved in
your KARMA - Knowing 'Nothing is Yours'

We think there is enough time to live,
but we never know which moment might be our last, So, share, care, love and
celebrate each moment of life.

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