Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Who loves broken marriages? They're made in Heaven!

International Family day was on 15th May. Here's my Post article on Family, relationships and 'Divorce' :

Values count and they do, especially when a couple is on the verge of a broken relationship and an almost ruined married life! When the vows are taken, it’s always the sun and the moon and the stars but a couple of days, months and years roll down to realize the stars always are shining in the sky and to reach there, a lot efforts take to check those difference of opinions and emotional outbursts.

Sacrifices and its from either side. Couples often forget the small yet big meaning of life – to be together is adjusting, forbearing differences and sacrificing. Family bonds come with love and couples leave behind their influence and impressions to their children. Parenting role plays an important part in lives of kids. Children are dependent on parents for their every need and as they grow up, it is fondness and security that calls for from parents.

Times have changed and this day, we find 'Divorces' on a rise. Crash boom goes the wows broken to head for a divorce! - Stop, Think, Compromise, Adjust - for Kids' sake, parents need to Grow Up and manage their responsibilities gracefully. Divorce is no solution. It affects both the partners emotionally, economically and socially. It becomes complex for a single parent to appropriately care for the child. It gives an uncomfortable feeling socially as in social context, it is considered a caste out deed and unacceptable attitude with taken as granted that the couples are both at fault possessing qualities of ego and intolerance. Children could equally experience a feeling of anger and isolation if they are at an understanding age and for those who are very young, the realization at a later age is embarrassing.

Every thing in life happens for a cause. Even a Divorce. Before taking an action, every parent should, ‘Stop, think and act’ – Confronting situations is a pain but binding by law and taking decision is more stressful. Separation is risky and should be taken seriously. It is not a game where you can play with your own self as well as with the children. It is Stress in relationships that break the family bonds. Nothing ever should be compromised that keeping relationships intact because it is said, ‘Marriages are build in Heaven’ and who are you to break it? Nevertheless, it is the freedom and emotions that rule the minds and more important is ‘Self Esteem’ – to value self and to be self accepting.

In India, as per the Hindu Act 1955, marriages broken can be due to the grounds of adultery, desertion, cruelty, conversion, mental disorder, diseases, renunciation, etc. However, lately family disturbances are on a rise and as a result, a joint family is not an acceptable idea to many which ends up to break in relationships. This trend of ‘staying alone, staying happy’ is somewhat a shift in family lifestyle which lived under one roof, in unity with joint families where the parents, grandparents, children and grand children lived together in earlier times. These joint families are almost breaking as members of the family are getting separated – some or the other reason and those couples who are more modern and living on edge, find it inconvenient to adjust and sacrifice – for the sake of the family, for the sake of kids. Intolerance is on back seat as ego surfaces with stressful situations from all sides creating an environment of breaking bonds. Suffering comes from all ends and if you ask people around you ‘What do you worry about?” In comes the answer:

80% - worry about family

75% - worry about relationships

60% - worry about health

50% - worry about small things

50% - worry about What if…..

There are people around in India when surveyed upon said:

80% - worry about money

85% - worry about keeping relationship intact

75% - worry about losing self respect

Loss of a dear one, health concerns, careers, etc are many other worries that Indian people worry about. However, 75% people worry about relationships – To make or to keep intact or stop from breaking!!!

Well, here’s answer to Stop Worrying and stop – think – save Relationships. Stop taking the drastic step of the most unwanted word ‘Divorce’ because it can never bring in happiness but add to the stress and worries. Instead, it is more wise to compromise, adjust, let go, forgive and forget. Relationships are Hard but Ego is harder. The ego has to be trained to dissociate itself from whatever ideas of attachment come into the mind. Discovery of self is important and once, either of the couple understand their ego and shrugg off to accept self and remove negativity from within, there comes understanding – accepting each other as they are and improve upon their mistakes, believe in each other and live happily.

A few tips with identified Emotional Intelligence facets might help all :

Optimism : Consider what is positive and right – be optimistic
Assertiveness : Saying what one thinks. Confront – telling what your wants. Exercise power and opening up. Sometimes silence don’t speak words, it makes one suffer.
Emotional energy: cope with frustration, anger, conflict or pressure. This emotional energy need to be charged.
Self esteem: Value self and be self accepting.
Courage : Face challenging situation and take action that is right
Self Direction : Make decisions, set goals. Keep family alive.
Tolerance : Be tolerant, patient, accepting and cooperating – This is a major part where people fail and relationships go haywire
Consideration for others : This is being considerate, helpful, being honest and responsible. Most of the time, when responsibilities are overlooked, ego issues pop in and distances are broadened.
Sociability : Enjoying company of all. If isolation finds way, frustrations, stress pave in way to break up souls, for sure.

International Family day and all I could think was writing on Family and relationship. So, here I hope this post article might give an insight to stop the Family from Pressure – the involvement is whole family – Parents, grandparents, couple and even people around them. After all, who loves broken marriages?

- ilaxi patel
Newspaper for Kids


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